


Illumination

by KittenKin



Series: Illumination [1]
Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post Series, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 18:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittenKin/pseuds/KittenKin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A man cannot see into the darkness of another's heart without that other lighting a torch to guide the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2012 KuroFai Olympics. The setting prompt I chose was "Festival of Light" and I was on Team Canon.
> 
> The story takes place post-series before the revisit to Piffle mentioned in xXxHolic. My assumption is that Yuuko-san's promise to the group in Tokyo regarding Fai was much like her deal with Watanuki in xXxHolic; subject to modification without the buyer's explicit consent. Caveat emptor.

It was like being inside a giant globe filled with millions of fireflies.

They'd dropped - fallen, tumbled, _splashed_ \- into dozens of worlds before leaving the princess behind in Clow and had crossed dimensions four more times since then, but there had never yet been a world quite like _this_ , where there was no sun and no moon to brighten the horizons and illuminate the earth. In the perpetually black sky there were only faint glimmers of distant stars, and yet the ninja did not find himself thinking of how dark it was here.

The planet was warm and rich, breathing and growing and _living_ so very vibrantly despite being alone and ignored in the vastness of its little patch of universe. They landed in the middle of a vast forest and everywhere they wandered the travelers had damp earth and soft moss to cushion their footfalls, sweet air to breathe and clear water to drink, and the sheer lushness of flora and fauna would have become an annoyance had they been at all in a hurry. They were not, however.

The worlds since leaving Clow behind had been busy and bustling, cramped or noisy or just plain dirty, and all this without yielding any clues or hopes that their quest might soon end. There had not been any extended or dire perils - fortuitous, since aches from deep wounds and stiff scar tissue yet lingered, Kurogane was still adjusting to having only one arm and Fai seemed to be struggling to find the new balance between his magic and the vampire nature that yet lingered in his body - but still their travels had worn upon them, body and soul. As if actuated by the same desire for a little break, the three men set an easy pace for themselves and simply enjoyed exploring their latest stop.

And enjoy it they could, with sight as well as their other senses, for while the sky was dark the earth provided illumination in its stead. The soil itself did not glow, but every flower that was nurtured in it shed a soft golden light from its center, as did the skins of the fruits that hung heavy from various trees. Such plants and mosses as did not bloom generally shone in some other way, such as by secreting a luminescent dew. And it was not just the plant life that glowed on this planet but _everything_ that had life.

Curious beetles with heavy bellies full of shining liquid were constantly puffed or waved out of their faces. Tiny deer-like creatures would break cover as they approached; one moment camouflaged against a dewy berry bush by the haphazard pattern of glowing spots on its hide and only giving itself away by blinking its glowing eyes at them, the next bounding away and looking in the dimness like a great mesh of stars being rushed away by a clumsy, flailing constellation-thief. Silvery fish with bright irises and shimmering stripes all down their sides streaked like lightning bolts through streams and rivers that shone softly with millions of particles that seemed made of nothing but pure light, though Syaoran posited that they were actually tiny creatures similar to algae. Fai protested the boy's lack of imagination and romance, and spent some time describing the waterways as magical avenues down which spirits and faeries danced. Kurogane tuned them both out and just enjoyed the sight.

Everything glowed and glimmered, and though it was all backed by velvety darkness, there was enough light to make it seem as if the world was frozen in that soft half-light just before dawn fully broke or dusk finally fell. Colors were muted and details were difficult to make out from a distance, but the ethereal beauty and peacefulness of the place more than made up for any inconvenience or unease of unfamiliarity. The teenager with whom - _for_ whom - the adults were still traveling even managed to keep up with his studies and note-taking by gathering bouquets of large bell-like flowers to provide a stronger light to read and write by. The problem of telling time was also resolved when they observed that many types of flowers were opening and closing at regular intervals that matched up fairly well with the travelers' internal sense of a full day and night passing.

There had been worlds that reminded Kurogane of Nihon, made him yearn to breathe that familiar air and want nothing more than to feel that well-loved soil beneath his feet again. This world, however, was one that he felt he would think of now and then when he had returned home. With the shifting wind and plentiful wildlife it was never quiet, but it was always peaceful. With no sun or moon the world was dark, but everything glowed.

Everything, of course, except for they themselves.

The trio of men were a wraith-like blot moving against the shimmering landscape as they followed the winding course of a large river, hoping to come across civilization eventually. The pale clothing they'd been given to travel in shone like moonlight reflected off of wispy clouds but they still stood out strangely against their surroundings, especially when Mokona was in an energetic fit and wanted to bound alongside them instead of riding atop someone's shoulder. The little bun's progress would stir up insects in glittering swarms or set seed-heavy grasses and tall flowers waving, leaving contrails of light in the dim air and marking the group's location even more starkly against the scenery. As none of this attracted any predators or other unwanted attention, however, they soon relaxed their guard and settled into a comfortable routine of travel and rest.

After walking for as long as they chose on their third "day" on this sunless planet without seeing any signs of civilization, they made camp near the river as they had the past two nights. Now that the princess was no longer traveling with them, setting up a campsite sometimes involved little more than choosing a place to stop and building a small fire. The nights here in particular were so mild and dry that the three men could easily sleep under the stars with no more shelter than their cloaks and suffer no evils beyond a slight crick in their backs from any unevenness in the ground. Technically they still had a female in their group, but the bejeweled bun was perfectly content to slumber the night away in the crook of one of her companion's arms.

Mokona declared that with three such strong, brave men to protect her, she had no worries for her virtue or safety. Kurogane retorted that there was no creature on this or any other world with bad enough taste to want to make _any_ sort of meal of such an annoying, noisy dumpling. This unchivalrous comment naturally kicked off a stream of protests from the little bun, but the ninja took no notice of it. She was much easier to ignore than Fai.

Not that the mage did much teasing these days. At least, not in comparison of when they'd first begun traveling together. The ninja still had to put up with all manner of "Daddy" jokes and endless commentary about his stubbornness, laziness and penchant for overindulging in alcohol. This, from the sometimes thick-headed mage who could - and often cheerfully did - match him cup for cup and bottle for bottle and loved to laze about at every opportunity, generally got some sort of growl or grumble from Kurogane. It was more out of habit than any real irritation, however, and the nicknames no longer got any reaction from him at all except to gain his attention. Indeed, if Fai ever addressed him by his full name, the ninja would very likely startle and experience a stab of worry over what he might have done to merit such chilling treatment.

They'd returned to teasing and growling back and forth in Nihon, sealing the breach that had opened so violently in Tokyo and festered throughout their stay in Infinity, but it had not simply been a return to their old ways. They were no longer the same people; they could not behave in the same way as when they'd first met except by playacting. Fai's words and manner and smiles were no longer used against the ninja as illusions and distractions, and Kurogane had stopped bullying the mage. He didn't corner him, push him around or drag him forward anymore or ball up a fist to try and knock the stupid out of that fair head. He _would_ of course, if he ever deemed it necessary, but Fai hadn't tempted him to it recently.

There were other, much more interesting things about the blond that were tempting Kurogane these days.

The first kiss had been in Clow, after he'd woken up from a drug-induced sleep to experience deja vu at the feel of thick bandages swathing his torso and a dull, throbbing ache that he knew would evolve into a searing pain once the pungent numbing agents on his shoulder wore off. Instead of the familiar air of Nihon and his princess seated serenely by his bedding however, there had been the hot dry air of Clow and the wizard - his idiot, his predator, _his_ wizard - perched on the side of the mattress. Kurogane had narrowed his eyes and warned the blond not to punch him this time. Instead of a blow to the head, the ninja had gotten a breathy laugh and a quick kiss that had seemed to startle Fai just as much as it had him.

That first kiss had been over so quickly that he hadn't even been able to register what sort of kiss it had been; loving or laughing or hungry or what. But there'd been enough kisses after the first to get a sense of them. Sweet, soft, and light. Hesitant, especially in the way those pale lips had halted and hovered for a heartbeat just before connecting, as if Fai had been trying to decide at the last moment whether or not to actually do this. Lingering, and not just lips but lightly trembling fingertips that had ghosted over Kurogane's skin, flitting from jaw to collarbones to wrist like a distracted butterfly; never stopping long, never staying away long either, and giving the impression that the mage had needed desperately to touch and hold and feel that the ninja was really there and warm and breathing, and just hadn't had as many hands as he wanted to touch _enough_.

The wizard had been questioning, too, and that impression had been harder to define and yet impossible to deny, especially when they broke apart for breath and just looked at each other. Those blue eyes had been seeking, but the kisses had been over and the pale form had slipped away with some soft murmur about letting the ninja get his rest before Kurogane had been able to puzzle out what Fai had been asking him. To his credit, he'd also been wildly distracted by the novelty of it all and hadn't had many mental resources to spare.

Kissing was not foreign to his world, but it had been foreign to _him_. It was something intensely private; he'd never even witnessed his father give his mother more than a light touch of lips to her hair or the edge of her sleeve. Skin-to-skin contact before the eyes of others was either strictly impersonal or a simple necessity, such as when two men were wrestling or when a mother was hauling a recalcitrant child about by the wrist. The intimacies of a kiss pressed to bare skin or fingers tangling together were intimate indeed, to be kept secret and sacred behind closed doors.

For Kurogane personally, beyond all this ingrained need for privacy, there was the fact that during the years in which his blood had first begun to run hot through his veins and his body had grown from boyhood into the sizes and shapes and yearnings of a man, his heart had grown leathery and hard. He'd snuck off with various of his agemates at Shirasagi, eager to discover the differences between his own hand and another's sweaty skin. He'd grappled with fellow warriors-in-training, mingling hot breaths and joining bodies needy with youth and adrenaline. He'd slaked his bloodlust on the battlefield and sated his other lusts in the bodies of fellow shinobi. But he'd never loved, and he'd never kissed.

There had been countless grunts and groans and growls in convenient darknesses but not a single affectionate word murmured into someone's ear. He'd grasped and clutched at others' bodies from greed and lustfulness and a need to dominate and control - something, someone, _anything_ since his own destiny would not submit to his will - but he'd never held anyone just out of the pure and simple desire to have that basic connection of touch. He'd fucked plenty of people but he'd never been intimate with anyone.

And then...Fai. Kurogane's mood upon landing at the dimensional witch's shop had been so foul that not even a moon goddess come down from the heavens on the back of a pure white crane and arrayed in the finest silks and pearls could have escaped his criticism. But Fai's too-bright smiles and too-light manners and even his fluffy hair and clothing and gestures would have irritated the ninja from the very beginning no matter what the circumstances. From there it had been a conflicting progression of instinct and emotion. Kurogane had begun with suspicion and disgust, but it had led to minute observations which gave him both that which to mistrust and that which to admire. As the ninja glared into shadows and felt around in the dark, he discovered secrets and lies but also got a feel for all the depth of character and worthiness hidden within the mage. Hidden from even the mage himself, perhaps.

Kurogane had understood the value of the man long before Fai himself had seemed to be able to grasp it. Blinded by the lie that he'd murdered his own brother in a moment of selfishness, the princeling had always looked down upon himself as if he were ever at the edge of that frozen pit and staring down at two shriveled, bloodstained bodies. Pride was not actually one of Kurogane's failings; he simply had no false modesty, but he liked to think with no little complacency that he had some claim to having helped grab and drag the wizard away from that dark edge and making him face toward the light. And he was proud of the man, too, for the way Fai gamely continued forward, stumbling sometimes, hesitant often but never actually shirking and backsliding into useless guilt and self-recrimination. Now that the mage was headed in the right direction - the future instead of the past - Kurogane was content to simply walk by his side instead of drag him roughly along.

Fai had settled down and Kurogane had been gentled, and it had been at each other's hands.

After they'd changed and changed each other and gotten their revenge together, Fai had taught Kurogane how to kiss. The first kiss had surprised him simply by virtue of being his first kiss, and an unexpected one at that. Unexpected, but not unwelcome. He'd just sat there and blinked at first, and if that had been all he'd done it might have ended there. But as Fai had stared back at him, seemingly just as taken aback and by surprise, red eyes had dropped to the wizard's mouth in contemplation of those softly parted lips. As Kurogane had watched, they'd pressed together in a nervous sort of gesture and after all the months of having to deal with a flamboyant facade, this little shyness had been so endearing that the ninja had impulsively reached out and leaned in to return the kiss he'd been given.

He was not naturally clumsy. He'd neither missed Fai's lips nor had he misjudged distance or force, and yet inexperience was inexperience, and Kurogane had done little more than press his lips to the other man's. It had been more plain contact than affectionate kiss, but then that fair head had tipped to the side a bit, getting their noses a little more out of the way, and the soft lips against his own had pressed back. Kurogane had been taken by surprise and put in an unfamiliar situation, but to counterbalance these things were the facts that he was a quick learner and not at all opposed to being taught. As they'd begun, so they'd continued; Fai acting and Kurogane reacting, Fai seeking and Kurogane allowing.

As they'd begun, so they continued, even after leaving Clow. That sense of shyness and hesitation from the mage who in many other ways was so bold made an impression on the ninja, and together with his own inexperience, it kept Kurogane content with letting Fai be the one to set the pace of this new facet of their relationship.

Before, Fai had teased and Kurogane had given chase, and there had always been a distance between them. Now, the ninja waited and the wizard drew close, and they made contact.


	2. Chapter 2

On the third night in their fourth world since Clow, Kurogane took first watch and waited to be approached. His keen hearing would alert him of any being or creature approaching through the thin forest on their side of the river, but the noise of the water made it necessary to look as well as listen for possible dangers on the other bank and so he looked about for a spot slightly distant from the water but with a good line of sight across and beyond it. The ninja eventually settled himself against the twisted, turning, golden-glowing trunk of a tree that looked vaguely like a wisteria and waited. He waited not for dawn, for danger or even for time to pass so that he could wake the kid for the next watch. He waited for the kid and bun to fall asleep - or at least for the kid to feign sleep with determined politeness while keeping the bun firmly tucked under his chin - and felt his mouth stretch ever so slightly into a faint smile as a familiar aura drew near.

Whether the mage was in a subdued sort of mood or the influence of the ethereal scenery was being felt or what it was, no words were spoken as Fai sidled up and leaned against the section of bark next to the ninja that just happened to be vacant. Without consciously thinking it through, Kurogane always put the mage on his left these days whether they were walking or fighting or even just standing idly around. In battle it was the practical thing to do; the mage would be more out of the way of Ginryuu and could help protect the ninja's vulnerable side. And when not in battle, Kurogane didn't bother trying to figure out why it just felt right to have Fai there...on his left, near his heart, standing in place of the arm he'd left behind in Celes like a visible reminder of what he'd gained in exchange for what he'd sacrificed.

To his relief, Fai never made much of a fuss over his missing arm once the wounds from having his prosthetic practically ripped away from his body had healed, despite this oft-occurring proximity. When they were alone like this, the mage would sometimes crumple a bit of Kurogane's empty sleeve in his hand or lean into the ninja as if trying to make up for the lack of a limb with his own form, but that was all. They'd exchanged blows and kisses and long, speaking looks, and words on top of all of that would have been superfluous. They expressed their regard for each other in how they acted, reacted and interacted, and for Kurogane who had grown up in a culture that esteemed reserve and circumspection, the lack of words was no lack at all.

The two adults stood together in a companionable silence for a while, enjoying how serene their surroundings were despite the constantly wavering lights and the incessant background noise of a world bursting with life. Shifting breezes set the trees to whispering, the river never stopped its happy burbling, and all around them insects and birds and strangely squishy water creatures called to each other in warning or challenge or longing. If the lights had been artificial and the bustle born of men and machines it would have been intolerable, but being of nature it was all harmony instead of chaos.

"This reminds me of Shara," Fai murmured suddenly. Kurogane glanced down but the wizard was gazing out at the river where a swarm of bugs was dancing over the shining waterway.

"The...fireflies, I think you called them," the wizard continued, smiling now, probably at the memory of his first sight of the eye-catching insects and the fun he'd had in chasing them through the fields near Souseki's temple. Kurogane couldn't really remember what the bugs had looked like and whether they'd been near counterparts to the fireflies of his home. He'd been too busy watching the wizard's face and wondering if this was what the man looked like when he forgot to laugh on purpose and just _laughed_.

"Celes was too cold for insects like this. We just had dark little creepy-crawlies; worms and beetles and the like. I never thought insects could be so vibrant and beautiful."

"You'll either love or hate summers in Nihon. Bugs _everywhere_ , all sizes and shapes and colors, and some noisy as hell." The ninja could very easily imagine the wizard disappearing out of doors so long as the sun was up, chasing butterflies and dragonflies and hunting for helmed beetles, then coming home covered in mosquito bites and ivy rashes. He wasn't certain how long the Celesian's entomological enthusiasm would last under the sweltering heat, but while it did, it would be manic.

Fai did not comment on Kurogane's manner of speaking and the underlying assumption contained within it that the mage would eventually settle down in the ninja's homeworld, only nodding and saying casually that it sounded like fun. This was another new thing between them that had sprung up and rooted without ever being discussed; Kurogane would sometimes speak of Fai living in Nihon in the future as an established fact, and Fai never made any objection. He never confirmed and committed either, but the ninja shrugged that little matter off. It was embarrassment or nerves or perhaps something else entirely, but while Fai did not argue against the plan, the ninja deemed the lack of outright agreement unimportant.

After Celes, when Kurogane had thought about how the mage no longer had a home to run from or return to, he'd found a little spark of gladness in his heart which had startled him. There ought not to have been any _joy_ in the idea that someone he so liked and admired should have to suffer the loss of his entire world, and yet there it had been. He'd been glad that the possibility of needing to part permanently from the wizard due to Fai's desire to go back to Celes had been erased. As for where the wizard might make a new life for himself, the ninja hadn't even had to think about it. Fai's need to return home had no longer been a consideration. All that had remained was Kurogane's need to return home and their need to remain together.

"Summer..." mused the blond. "Yama was the only placed we stayed long enough to watch the seasons turn, but we landed in late autumn and only got to experience their colder months. All I've really lived and known is winter."

"Our seasons are more extreme," Kurogane noted, remembering the half-year they'd spent in Yasha-ou's kingdom and how the mildness of the climate had given him no real sense of the seasons changing. There had hardly been thirty degrees' difference in temperature between the dead of winter and the full flush of spring, and the dark-haired man who'd grown up watching torrential spring floods succeed snowstorms that buried entire villages to the rooftops found the blandness of Yama's climate distasteful. "You won't have the opportunity to get homesick for snow but you might melt during summer."

"I'm getting the idea that Nihon is a country of extremes," Fai stated with a faint laugh. "When it's hot, it's hot enough to melt people. When it's cold, it'll freeze the puddle people into icicles. The men are all deadly warriors with no sense of humor and the ladies are all beautiful dolls dressed in miles of silk with hair down to their feet."

"...in Celes, is everyone an idiot?" Kurogane asked dryly, with a rather disgruntled twist to his mouth at this ridiculous review of his home. He didn't bother bringing up Souma, whose hair was shorter than Fai's and who wore less fabric on her entire body than Kurogane had on his legs. Souma wasn't a "lady". She was Souma. And Fai wasn't being serious. He was being Fai.

"I'm Valerian, Kuro-sama, remember?"

"Raised in Celes though," the ninja retorted, with no high opinion of either place. Both countries had been cold and ruled by cold-hearted maniacs who thought nothing of harming innocents. Kurogane's opinion was decidedly biased and probably as overly simplistic and shallow as Fai's light-hearted summary of Nihon, but it hardly mattered; Valeria had fallen and Celes no longer existed. And even beyond these things was the fact that Fai would not be returning to either as to a home.

"True," Fai conceded, and then let his gaze drift from the dance of glowbugs and grow far away. "They were similar in many ways, too. Long winters and a short growing season, similar clothes and languages, both ruled by kings and bound by traditions and superstitions...they were still beautiful to me, despite all that I suffered. I guess home is home, no matter how painful."

Kurogane frowned a bit as he thought this over. He didn't disagree with the sentiment, but didn't like to think that Fai would be thinking back to the homes he'd lost with regret, unable to settle down into a new one because of the differences he would forever be seeing all around him. After recalling the memories of Fai's terrible, terribly long youth, the ninja once again brought up his homeworld, but this time drawing parallels instead of highlighting differences.

"Nihon's probably not so different," he offered. "A unified country under a single ruler, a strictly ordered society 'bound by traditions and superstitions' like you said."

"What sort of superstitions did you grow up with?" Fai queried, tipping his head to look up at the ninja, face alight with curiosity and expectation. Kurogane floundered a bit, trying to think from an outside perspective of all the little beliefs that were woven into his way of thinking. Residual memories of his companion's childhood brought one superstition to mind fairly quickly, and from there it became simple to hop from one thought to another.

"Twins are lucky," the ninja said, to the obvious surprise of a twin who'd been shunned as accursed from the moment of his birth. "So are carp, cranes and frogs." He got a little snort of laughter from the blond at this rather eclectic mix of good luck symbols.

"What's considered _un_ lucky in Nihon?"

"Killing spiders in the morning, stepping on the border of matting, sleeping with your head facing north...things like that," Kurogane answered, relating whatever popped into his head first. Truth be told there were probably hundreds of ill luck bringers that he didn't even consciously know he avoided; they'd been things he'd simply grown up with and never thought about.

"'Things like that'?" Fai repeated with a slightly incredulous laugh, though he kept his voice down so as not to disturb their slumbering companions. "Kuro-tan, those things have even less in common than cranes and frogs. Why are they all bad luck?"

"How should I know?" he growled irritably. "They just are. Or are considered, at least. They're probably just as meaningless as Valeria's superstition about twins. That's all they are; superstitions." He got another long look at this, and put a little crick in his neck as he deliberately stared back, daring the mage to argue the point. He knew that Fai understood the truth of his twin's death now, but the idea that all that he and his brother had suffered was due to nothing more than an _idea_ \- and a false one to boot - that had taken root in their culture long ago was more difficult to embrace. It would be freeing to think that he was not actually an accursed being, but at the same time, perhaps horrifying to think that so much had been lost for something so meaningless.

"What about religion?" Fai asked quietly, after a long, drawn out pause. "Beliefs instead of superstitions? Valeria and Celes were monotheistic, with a lot of festivals and ceremonies focusing on thanking God and the saints for protecting us from dark forces."

Some of the words the wizard used did not translate smoothly despite Mokona's talents, but Kurogane got the gist of the idea and shook his head.

"In Nihon, worship focuses more on nature, not a single god or goddess or the priests that serve them. I guess it's more like...there are spirits or gods in almost everything - the moon, rivers, animals and trees - and you're supposed to respect it all."

"Animals and trees, too? How do you make furniture and dinner without sinning, then?" Pale eyebrows quirked up at him at this obviously puzzling concept.

"I said respect, not venerate as untouchable," Kurogane replied a bit testily. "That's what makes it so important to understand the value of life; so that you don't take it - or _take it_ \- lightly. The burden of needing to kill to survive while understanding the weight of what you're doing is what sets man apart from beasts and demons. It's both a curse and a blessing."

The fair head near his shoulder nodded and the mage's expression was thoughtful instead of amused, which served to soothe the ninja's temper somewhat. Kurogane had no super-religious sensibilities to offend, but discussions about such things were much more the kid's forte than the ninja's and Fai's honestly puzzled queries had made him feel a bit clumsy and awkward in explaining the profound and beautiful. There was another break in the conversation while Fai apparently digested what had been said, and then the wizard spoke up again.

"You mentioned demons. Are they like the ones we fought in Outo? Or are they more like devils that oppose your gods?"

"No...well, sort of." To Kurogane, those unliving constructs had been demons in name only; more like machines from Piffle programmed to kill, where the demons of his homeworld were living things filled with malevolent intent and often possessed of deadly cunning besides. Worthy foes for honorable warriors. But for Fai, who spoke of saints and devils, perhaps the differences were not so great. "Think of it more like...all the gods and spirits of the land being in harmony with nature, but sometimes someone or something becomes twisted and dark. A curse, or bitter hatred...some people even become demons in order to gain power for the sake of revenge."

"Sounds more like you're describing monsters," Fai commented, and the word came over to Kurogane and made him think of ghosts and apparitions, not demons.

"Are we having the apple-pear-raki conversation again?" the ninja asked with a sigh, and the mage grinned.

"I think so. Do you have ogres? I know you must have dragons. What about faeries and sprites? Trolls? Unicorns? Gryphons? Mermaids and centaurs?"

"Quit it," Kurogane said, trying to keep up with the sometimes awkward translations of words foreign to his language. "You're going to break the bun. Yes and no. We've got tons of sparkly things that old men claim to have bedded in their youth as well as bloodthirsty monsters to scare children into obedience with. You can get the details later."

He'd wanted to end the back-and-forth comparison without quite killing the conversation, but it worked a little bit too well, and Kurogane quirked one eyebrow at the way Fai fell immediately silent with a compliant nod and went back to staring out at the water. His curious gaze went unnoticed as the wizard leaned into his side ever so slightly, more body heat seeping through cloth than actual pressure against his skin, too close to lock gazes. They'd had conversations like this before, where the questions and banter and debate and discussion would spin out and out but then suddenly snap like a thread stretched too tight. Not all of their talks ended in such a manner, of course, but there seemed to be no real rhyme or reason to the ones that ended abruptly. They'd talked of Celes, advanced technology and music without the talk dying suddenly, but something about Suwa, political history and literature had made the mage shy away from continuing the conversation beyond a certain point.

The blond head next to him tipped slightly as if to lean against the shoulder that ended so abruptly on the ninja's left side, pulling his thoughts back to the present. It was almost a cuddle, and Kurogane waited, knowing through recently gained experience what might come if he stayed quiet and still. If the circumstances were favorable - if they were alone, and Fai was in a softly somber sort of mood, and Kurogane were quiet instead of stonily silent or grouchily grumbling - the wizard would often gravitate to him closer than mere friendship allowed, slowly and by minute increments. And if Kurogane continued quiet and calm, allowing each new degree of closeness, eventually Fai would steal a caress of some sort. A light brush of skin on skin, sometimes fingertips, sometimes lips, and once a playful nose rub that had made him blink and then chuckle. It would last as long as it lasted, sometimes just that one caress, other times stretching out longer over too few minutes, and then the pale form would turn aside or slip away.

The cautious approaches and sudden shies away seemed to speak of fear. If it was only inexperience, the ninja thought that Fai would have been laughing at their joint clumsiness and ignorance and taking delight even in their fumbles. Fear of rejection should not have survived once Kurogane had leaned in to return that first kiss.

On the other hand, no man could ever accurately measure and weigh another's past and calculate all its effects. Though the wizard was now free of the curses both magical and mental laid upon him, it was probable he was not yet - and possibly never would be - completely cured of all the ill effects of his own history. It took time and experience, too, to gain confidence in one's self as Kurogane well knew. He hadn't been able to call himself an able swordsman or ninja in truth until he'd spent years and years in learning, training and perfecting his skills. He hadn't been able to think of himself as a true man in his own heart, and with complete honesty, until he'd proven his own worth to himself over time and through trials.

Fai was confident now in his own worth and strength in many ways; his abilities in battle were proven beyond any doubt, as was his intelligence. The blond also had no insecurities about being a reliable traveling companion, invaluable asset to the team and worthy, worthwhile friend. But perhaps all this new confidence did not translate to being half of a couple. Romance was not something one could study in books and immediately _know_ , or study in a class and take tests on. Considering the hatred he'd grown up with from both those around him and his own heart, it was a simple matter to conclude that Fai had always kept everyone at a careful distance, not just his current traveling companions, and allowed himself no intimacies, physical or otherwise. Inexperienced, and partnered with Kurogane who, while certainly no blushing virgin, also had a history of shutting people out of his heart, Fai was perhaps struggling to find his balance in this new role of lover.

The ninja waited, feeling - to his mild amusement - an anticipation that was like the thrill of waiting for an assassination target to show up where expected, though it was not bloodlust that made it necessary to control his movements and breathing and pulse. Fai's kisses enflamed him and his shyness made him hold back, and Kurogane found that he enjoyed this conflict of base instinct and self-control. It was even familiar and comfortable. His formerly too-bloodthirsty nature against his ingrained honor. Vengeance against circumstances. The call to battle on a vast gameboard against the chains restricting his movements.

Anticipation always warred instantly with desire, and if the wait stretched out for too long, it could certainly lead to frustration and impatience. He was still in that place where the ache was just a pleasant warmth instead of a scorching fire, and could - and always did - wait these moments out patiently, letting Fai determine the beginning and end of each little contact between them. He also waited them all out for the day that those hesitations, uncertain glances and sudden breaks away would end, knowing it would be good, knowing it would be all the better for being at the right time, and enjoying in the meanwhile the pleasures of anticipation and letting his imagination fill the dark unknown with pleasant scenes.

Today, the setting was such that the ninja fancied it might influence the sometimes skittish blond to linger a while in soft sweet kisses, but he eventually found himself mistaken. Very much so, in fact. He wasn't surprised when the mage slowly turned about so that they were facing one another, and Kurogane brought his hand up to rest lightly against a lean hip as pale hands crept up along his torso to rest at his shoulders as if exhausted by the climb or daunted by the remaining distance to go before they could meet behind his neck. That fair head, bleached even paler in the wan light, was still bowed slightly and the ninja wondered if it would tip up for a kiss or if Fai would simply lean into him further, wordlessly asking for an embrace. A few heartbeats passed and then he was suddenly gazing down into blue eyes, but there was only time for a quick glance before Fai leaned up and in, seeking his lips.

Kurogane had been expecting a kiss and yet was startled by it. He was startled by how cold the hands were that slipped around his neck and tugged his head down, startled by the tension he could feel through his palm and against his chest, startled by the _way_ Fai kissed him. The only kisses he knew were the wizard's and he hadn't been kissed by him quite like this before, but years of practice had honed his ability to read people and he knew without reasoning it out that this kiss was desperate. Forceful but not out of lust, lingering but not out of hunger, insistent but not out of need; it was not anything more or less than desperation, and Kurogane had no idea why it should be so.

It was good and yet disturbing, like tasting a poison and finding it flavorful. He'd automatically responded, always greedy after the feel of those soft lips and the teeth behind them, reveling in the warmth of blood and breath and all the proofs that this person was still alive and here and his, relishing the feel of that lean body pressing against him as he clenched his hand into the fabric of the wizard's shirt and held him close. But the memory of that flash of blue - uncertain, unhappy - and the way Fai was even now clutching at him as if he might be swept away by a rogue wind...

As if prescient, the wizard broke away from him just as Kurogane decided to do the same, but where the ninja was only planning to part their lips a few centimeters so that he could look into those worried, worrisome eyes and ask what was the matter, Fai broke _away_ ; turned, pushed and darted away without a word. Even when Kurogane unthinkingly shot his hand out to grab one slender wrist, Fai only looked at him, pleading to be let go with everything except for words. Looking at that pale face, feeling the tension in a body canted entirely away from him and seeing in those blue eyes not just the dancing reflections of the lights around them but a kind of _terror_ made Kurogane feel for the first time that it might be fear instead of shyness causing all this skittishness, and his hand loosened to let the man go.

For now.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Nothing approached to threaten the little group, and Kurogane roused Syaoran after a few hours so that the boy could take his turn at watch. Fai seemed to be asleep or at least was acting it so well that it was obvious he did not wish to be disturbed, and when the mage woke the others up the next morning, he seemed serene. He gave Kurogane a small, rueful sort of smile that seemed to speak a sort of apology, and having the strange scene of last night at least acknowledged instead of ignored kept the dark-haired man from pressing for more.

Again...for now.


	3. Chapter 3

They came upon a dirt road on the morning of their fourth day, and after following it for several hours the group came upon a cluster of lights on the horizon that was such a riot of colors and sizes and intensities that they felt instinctively that it was unnatural. Nature's lights so far had been soft gold and silver; the mass of red and purple sparks and bright flares of green and orange spoke of men who, world to world, had never been contented with what their world offered but must strive for higher and stronger and brighter and faster and whatever else they thought of as "greater" and "more".

The lights were bright but far away, and it took some time for the travelers to draw near enough to make out more details. The colorful confusion turned out to be one end of what looked like a market street, gaudy with colorful signs and boxes of wares hardly less bright and glittering than the banners and boards that advertised them. The travelers stood at a careful distance for a while, just observing, trying to gauge how far they would stand out should they approach the town. In many worlds they blended in without any trouble, with perhaps only a minor difference in costume to draw local eyes. In a couple, they had been too alien in body and build and coloration to even be seen at a distance without raising some outcry, and though Mokona's translation ability and their various wits and wiles had so far kept them alive, they'd learned to approach new civilizations with caution when possible.

The citizens looked very much like they did; human and with various hues of hair and eye and skin, gesturing with two arms and walking about on two legs, laughing and shouting and some few bickering over purchases. There were tall and short statures, builds of every variety between scrawny and flabby, and even the clothing differed enough from person to person that the travelers might walk about and only draw down comments about being unfashionable, not objectionable. The citizens showed a good bit more skin than the otherworlders, but that was a difference easily remedied by removing cloaks and jackets or shirts. The only problem was the aforementioned skin.

Men, women and children all glowed like everything else did on this dark yet brilliant world, with glimmering curlicues weaving around bare limbs and circling pale necks before disappearing into gauzy shirts and trim vests. The tattoo-like markings were all a soft golden hue, but everyone wore fabrics and accessories that shone out in more vibrant colors such as blue and purple and green. The women and many of the older girls had red- or peachily-lit fingernails besides, and some - both male and female - wore shining baubles in their hair. After observing for a while, Kurogane spoke first.

"No," he said flatly, as if responding to a question or statement one of the others had made. But he'd caught the little quirk of pale lips from the corner of his eye and _known_. Fai laughed nearly noiselessly and grinned up at him, unfazed by the glare being sent his way.

"Isn't blending in part of being a ninja?" the blond asked, and even though he kept his voice low, Kurogane could still hear the teasing suffusing every word.

"That is not blending in," he growled. "That is called joining the idiot parade."

"Mmm, I guess you'd still stand out even if you were dressed properly, what with your perpetual dark scowl blotting out the lights." The wizard blithely ignored Kurogane's scathing look and turned to Syaoran, who was still watching the townspeople bustling about. A quick tap on the arm drew the boy's attention and then Fai jerked his head lightly back toward the meadow, silently suggesting that they withdraw a bit and discuss options.

"So, what do you think?" Fai asked, once they were out of a direct line of sight from the marketplace, and Kurogane mentally sighed to himself as he noted the lively interest on his companions' faces.

"Might as well walk up and tell the usual 'we come from far away' story," he said with a shrug, and got general agreement. The overall air of the place had been bustling and happy, and he hadn't seen anything resembling a weapon being carried about. This didn't discount the possibility of magic or some other potentially dangerous ability, of course, but they hadn't gotten so far in their journey by being _over_ cautious. This place just felt peaceful, and his instincts had hardly ever failed him before.

"I think so too," Syaoran agreed. "I saw a few simple carts passing back and forth. If that's the level of their transportation, then it's possible they'd believe there are places very far away where people don't look quite like they do. We can purchase some new clothes to fit in better if we need to." There were nods all around while Mokona added her input that everything looked pretty and nice, and then they turned toward back toward the dirt road they'd wandered away from as the sounds of hoofbeats and noisy rattles reached them. A heavily laden cart with a lone occupant was slowly trundling away from the town, and after a quick glance at his companions and a nod from Kurogane, Fai stepped away from the little group to go test their theory.

"Hello," the blond called out cheerfully, pushing through the tall grass with countless glowbugs rising up and trailing after him as if he were a ship plowing through a glimmering sea. "We're new in the area, and wondered if--"

What the mage wondered was not to be revealed, for the merchant took one look at Fai and interrupted with a piercing yell. The blond jerked back slightly in surprise at this reaction and then raised one hand placatingly.

"I mean you no harm," he offered, perhaps thinking he'd been mistaken for some sort of highwayman, but he might as well have saved his breath. The local shied away from that pale hand while jerking violently at the reins, and when his poor animal proved too slow for his panic, the man leapt from his cart and headed back for town at a dead run, shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Help! Heeelp! A ghost! A corpse! A WALKING CORPSE!"

Fai blinked and stared after the fleeing man for a moment, then turned to his companions with a rueful smile as the receding cries of, "help me, save me" drifted through the air.

"Plan B?" the mage asked, and Kurogane sighed in annoyance at the stupid turn events had taken. He was not forming a high opinion of the people of this world.

Plan B ended up involving a hasty retreat deeper into the grass to crouch down ignominiously and hope to pass unnoticed as a small crowd poured out of the town with lanterns and - more ominously - torches and rushed out to the abandoned cart to look for the darkling creature their fellow citizen had described. The three seasoned warriors crawled carefully through the meadow, fleeing the fearfully curious eyes of the townspeople. Fai kept unusually serious and silent, which surprised the ninja. Kurogane might have thought the man would be chuckling over being described as some loathsome and dark creature; he with his fair hair and sparkling eyes, pale skin and a general attractiveness that had so far translated well in almost every world they'd visited.

Here, however, apparently life was not measured in breath and hot blood. If you were not alight, you were not alive.

A quick glance showed him the mage's mouth pressing flat into an unhappy line as he glanced back toward the road, and Kurogane made a noise of irritation as he followed the man's gaze. While they had no individual patterns of lights to give their movements away, that same lack also prevented them from blending into the glimmering meadow. They were a splotch of nothing among all the lights, and the trail they made as they bent grasses and disturbed insects was plainly visible as well. There was no forest nearby to lose themselves in, and while they could have likely outrun a half-fearful group of superstitious townspeople, Syaoran's quest was best served by mingling with civilization, not avoiding it.

"Bun, sword," the ninja murmured, determined to at least smack the stupid out of the first townsperson to try and cleanse the "walking corpses" with fire before explanations could be made. It would put a dent into public relations, but it was better to stay safe now and apologize later than have to receive apologies and medical treatment after they'd had burning brands or blows thrown at them. A pale hand darted out to cover Mokona's mouth before she could comply with Kurogane's request, however, and Fai shook his head. Instead of questioning, they all looked at the mage expectantly and waited, Kurogane included. He'd begun relying on the other man even before he'd fully trusted him, and by now it hardly ever occurred to him to question or doubt Fai's decisions.

At least, not the important ones.

Fai's desire to stay up all night drinking with the kid and bun definitely got doubted. Several of Fai's definitions of what constituted dignified employment were questioned strenuously. And Ginryuu still came singing out of its sheath on special occasions, such as the time Fai'd convinced Kurogane that all the men on a particular world wore dresses, when it turned out that they'd simply landed in a very unique part of town.

But he trusted the blond to be serious and sensible when need be, and knew him to be intelligent and brave besides. And so Kurogane never argued these days when Fai made a decision, for the Celesian was no longer motivated by fear and guilt. They'd all of them given the wizard their trust before he'd truly deserved it, had never taken it back, and now moved toward a shared purpose.

Right now, that shared purpose involved not getting exorcised by fire.

Pale hands were working quickly to weave an intricate scrollwork of words in the air, and as Kurogane watched, the whole mass of light was stretched this way and that, reshaped into an almost bird-like form with deft flicks of slender fingers, and then suddenly doubled so that there were two shining bird-shapes floating before the mage. The ninja was suddenly reminded of the inky tattoo that had risen from the mage's body all those years ago at the dimensional witch's shop, and understood what Fai was doing.

The golden scrollwork only took a few breaths to complete and then the mage pushed the two halves firmly onto Syaoran's chest and back where they seemed to seep into the young man's clothing as if made of smoke or something else equally insubstantial. The light made a reappearance almost immediately as tendrils of shimmering gold began creeping along Syaoran's skin, peeping from his sleeves to curl around his wrists and rising up from his collar to encircle his neck, mimicking how the locals were marked. Kurogane was magically tattooed next, and Fai hurriedly instructed the others to remove much of their upper clothing, but to put their cloaks back on. Mokona also got her orders, which were to disgorge a pack and then hide in it. Though they'd seen many animals both small and large, none had spoken to them nor looked much like the fat little bejeweled bun and they decided not to risk her being seen just yet.

"Stand up," whispered Fai, as he wove his own tattoo. "Face away from them and keep your collars up." The wizard hid behind Kurogane's much more substantial bulk as the travelers were spotted and advanced on, and was just re-fastening his long vest over an otherwise bare and shimmering torso as their pursuers came within torch-throwing range.

"Mage..." Kurogane said warningly, as he turned his head to look at the approaching crowd under the pretense of adjusting the strap of the bun-containing bag he'd thrown over one shoulder. If Fai didn't do something soon, there was very likely going to be an altercation between the ninja and the townspeople, and it would definitely put a crimp in Syaoran's attempts to ingratiate himself with the population if fifteen of them had been laid out flat at their first meeting.

"Down, boy," came the murmured response, which just made the dark-haired man growl, but then Fai gathered his cloak close around him, put on a wide smile, and stepped around the glowering ninja to greet the not-so-welcoming committee.

"Hello!" he called out, and the mass of people wading through the grass startled and staggered back, causing a new series of outcries as stragglers smashed into the people in front of them and toes were trod upon by those trying to back away from the "ghost".

"Oh, my apologies," Fai said airily, as if being mistaken for an animated corpse was nothing out of the ordinary, and threw open his cloak to reveal his softly shining markings. "My cloak must have made me look quite unnatural. It's a fashion we picked up on our travels as they're quite cozy, but I must admit I forgot how it would make us look." At this, Kurogane jerked his head to signal to Syaoran that they should step forward, and they unfastened their own cloaks as they did so, laying them over one arm to carry them as Fai did.

The other two seemed to have been forgotten in the instant that the wizard had captured the townspeople's attention, and the murmurs and shouts from the assembled crowd increased as the number of strangers tripled. Fear quickly turned to relief and curiosity as Kurogane and Syaoran's glowing markings were revealed as well, and among the taunts to the merchant for his mistake and subsequent fright were many questions of where the three men had come from and such things. The nimble-tongued and quick-witted wizard answered them all a bit evasively to cover for their ignorance of this world but poured on enough charm that his vagueness went unremarked.

Syaoran was soon in the center of a cluster of curious locals as well, fending off many of their questions by asking various ones of his own about the history of their town and people. The teen's scholastic curiosity led him to sometimes expose the true depth of their ignorance of local customs and culture, but his seeming age and friendly disposition seemed to work with the lie of simply being from far away to keep everyone from any real suspicion. If this place were as peaceful as it so far seemed to be, it was natural that the people here would be lacking in mistrust.

The tall, dark-haired and red-eyed man was no less interesting to the townspeople but he proved himself less lively and keen after conversation than his companions, and soon enough he was left alone, to his satisfaction. He let the others do most of the initial information-gathering and simply stood nearby, listening and observing. The excited, easy-going chatter continued for some time, and nothing caught his attention to make the ninja revise his opinions and impressions. The man who'd been so frightened of the wizard's appearance had gotten over his fright and responded good-naturedly to Fai's apologies and all the teasing of his fellows. A few people even broke away from the interesting strangers to help maneuver the temporarily abandoned horse and cart back onto the path and send the merchant on his way again with shouted farewells and a few last teasing warnings to beware of ghosts. All in all, everyone seemed happy and content and generally cheerful. It was almost like Outo, except with a lower percentage of annoyingly clingy and clamorous girls, which Kurogane heartily approved of.

Also reminiscent of Outo was the ease with which Fai procured them a place to stay and some work to do. As the welcoming party finally broke up and the crowd began to drift back toward the town, the blond drew nearer his companions and quietly relayed some pertinent details.

"They're getting ready for an annual event called the Festival of Light," Fai explained, keeping his voice to a low murmur. "It seems that this is the principal town in the region and all of the inns are full with visitors, but a sweet little old lady who everyone just calls Grams is putting us up in her house in exchange for some manual labor."

Kurogane narrowed his eyes at the mage, certain of who was going to be providing most of the labor, and got a cheeky grin to confirm his suspicions.

"She was very happy when I told her what a hard worker Kuro-Daddy is," chirped the mage, and then laughingly dodged the tanned fist that flew his way. "There's still a lot of construction work to be done before the festival can begin, and it would be a shame for our son to miss out on such a cultural feast by even a minute!"

"The first hammer I lay my hands on is getting buried in your head," Kurogane threatened, remembering the first - but certainly not the last - time the mage had saddled all the hard work on him and then sat back at his ease to just watch instead of helping.

"Oh, don't worry; we'll be carrying our weight as well," Fai promised, as if his thoughts had led the same way. "Grams is going to put me to work in the kitchen and Syaoran-kun's been wrangled into the hanging-of-decorations committee."

Kurogane nodded, not seeing anything wrong with the arrangement, and the rest of the day - apparently called "bloom" on this world - passed in a busy bustle of little nothings and simple work. Though there were many unfamiliar things about the town called Idia, there were also enough similarities to many of the worlds they'd already traveled to that the ninja had no trouble settling in and setting to work without having to ask questions like "what's that?" The people he'd been assigned to help at first raised well-meaning concerns over his lack of a left arm, but he soon proved himself perfectly able to assist with the simple carpentry. His balance and great strength made carrying planks and beams one-handed a mere nothing, and the fact that the people used thick pegs to fasten things together made even hammering a simple chore, since he did not need a second hand to hold nails steady against the wood.

The world was comfortable but not quite so advanced in technology and magic as the worlds they'd individually come from. In Piffle they'd had to learn not just new skills like driving and flying machines but new words as well. Mokona translated everything for them but some words simply didn't exist in Nihon or Celes or Clow, such as "carburetor". Here, however, everything was simple enough to be understandable even if not immediately familiar. Kurogane helped construct standard items such as platforms and small booths without needing instruction, understood the shimmering peach liquid he was given to be similar to beer, and returned to their temporary lodgings to find a fairly familiar looking meal being laid out by the mage on a sturdy table. Thankfully, the food was not shining since once slaughtered or picked, meat and vegetables soon lost their natural light. Though he found the world and all its luminescence beautiful, Kurogane would have found the idea of sparkly food a bit disconcerting.

"Welcome home," the blond called out as he set down mugs of some sort of fragrant tea, and then lowered his voice to a more confidential level. "We let it slip that we didn't know about the festival, so Syaoran-kun and I used the old story about writing a book to explain why we're traveling. Apparently people here tend not to stray too far from where they're born."

Kurogane nodded but made no reply as their hostess made her leisurely way from the kitchen to the dining room with a large woven basket. The woman was tiny and almost tottered as she carried bread enough for a small army, and the ninja took two long strides over to her and silently relieved her of the basket. He received cheerful thanks from Grams and a smile from Fai. Smiles were normal for the mage, even after he'd discarded all the shallow, surface ones he'd been wearing for so many years, but this one seemed to speak more than simply contentment.

A sweet satisfaction in the little pocket of peacefulness they'd fallen into and this cozy little home scene, at being in a place and position to catch the ninja in the little act of kindness, in the knowledge that he _knew_ the man; knew his past and the kindness that had survived it all, knew how he'd changed, knew that he was part of that change...

Kurogane didn't bother wondering if he was reading too much into that smile or speaking any of his thoughts. He simply knew, just as Fai knew him.

The mage and teenager, together with their hostess, kept the conversation going energetically throughout dinner while Kurogane surreptitiously dropped food to Mokona, who was currently hiding under the tablecloth and headbutting the ninja's shins whenever she wanted another morsel. The ninja tried to catch the bejeweled irritant under one heel until Grams laughed at him for being "such a fidgety boy". After that, he spent the rest of the meal glaring at Fai who'd developed a suspicious twitch to his lips and quaver to his voice.

The conversation between most of the party continued, as did the unspoken communication between the ninja and mage. When sleeping arrangements were brought up, the ninja found that the entire upper floor to the two-story house was theirs to use. The little home had once housed a whole family, but Grams was the only occupant now and stiffening joints kept her downstairs except for once a week when she creaked her way up the staircase to dust and air out the rooms.

Upon finding out that there was a master bedroom and one smaller upstairs, Fai immediately offered Syaoran the smaller room for his own so that he could have the peace and quiet so necessary to his studies. The teenager might have protested being given the luxury of privacy before the others, but he was sharp as well as polite, and simply nodded at the room assignments. Kurogane said nothing and did nothing, just standing by and not even making eye contact in what was his usual "do whatever you want; I have no objections" response. He had nothing against rooming with the wizard. He even had a reason - a valid, unselfish reason unrelated to wanting more of that skin and heat - for rooming with him.

It had been a while since Fai had fed from his prey.

Their hostess kept early hours, and the three travelers - and one bun hidden under a cloak thrown casually over an arm - went upstairs soon after dinner to leave her in peace. The party split up a little bit more evenly than previously stated, with Syaoran taking Mokona with him when he retired while the bun reassured him in a noisy whisper that she'd be good and quiet. Kurogane followed the mage into the other room, watching him keenly as the room was investigated and remarked on.

The walls and furniture, like the timbers Kurogane had been working with all day, were no longer part of a living tree and therefore did not glow. The room was still dimly lit, however, with clear bowls piled high with glass globes half-filled with shimmering dust and a pot of those flowers that they'd used to calculate day and night by; this world's version of lamps and a clock. Similar globes had been hanging from the ceiling to light the halls and the rooms downstairs, carefully arranged to spread the light evenly. Slender hands carefully lifted one of these shining spheres for closer examination, bathing the mage's face in golden light. It did not leech the color from Fai's face but it did throw harder shadows across it, and Kurogane frowned to see them.

Fai was not wasting away or growing gaunt, there were no dark circles under his eyes or fang-tips peeping from under his upper lip as he chatted away, and yet he looked hungry to keen red eyes. The impression was partly the ninja's familiarity with all the mage's looks and partly the indefinable _pull_ he felt under his sternum, all along his core, even running along his limbs and thrumming in his head whenever the vampire was needy.

Kurogane knew that Fai did not need to feed as often as he had before regaining his eye and magic. They'd talked - Kurogane argumentative, Fai insistent - twice about it, and the blond had won out in the end because while his prey could still feel that pulling, calling, yearning sensation, it was undeniable that it was weaker than before. Fai also made no attempt to hide the fact that the witch's prediction had proven false in the end, and that the return of his magic had not, in fact, eradicated the vampire essence within him, and this honesty had mollified the ninja to a great degree. Their argument in Clow had actually begun and ended with the simple matter of whether or not Kurogane had recovered from his wounds enough to be able to stand feeding his predator, and the second discussion in the next world had been a much more simple and concise one in which Fai had explained that he didn't seem to need to feed as often as before and promised to speak up when he wished to drink.

Their stay in that first world had been somewhat lengthy and the vampire had proven true to his promise enough times that Kurogane had stopped monitoring him, but a significant amount of time had passed since the last feeding and the ninja was growing...something. Concerned, puzzled, impatient. Perhaps a bit hungry himself for the contact. Not for the act of feeding his vampire itself, of course; the pain was negligible but still he wasn't the sort to go looking for it, and losing blood gave him no joy. There was an intimacy in it though, that he admitted - to himself - to enjoying. It was a lifelong bond between them, and though he had no need of a reminder of Fai's importance to him, it still had value as such. To put it simply, it was another excuse to touch the mage, and he missed it.

Too impatient to wait much longer and telling himself it was just as much for Fai's sake as his own desires, Kurogane leaned against the door and stared at the mage long enough for it to catch the other man's attention. Soon enough Fai ran out of things to examine and ponder over in the room and drifted close to examine _him_ instead. Fai's eyes traced over the golden scrollwork now crawling over tanned skin, curling out from underneath the short jacket that Kurogane had put back on after removing his turtleneck, and the ninja could practically feel those blue eyes on him as if they'd been the mage's fingers instead.

"It looks good on you," the blond finally commented, nodding over his handiwork. "I was in a bit of a rush, of course, so it's not my best artistry. Makes me want to play around with the design a bit."

Kurogane snorted at the desire to use him as a sort of doodle board.

"I bet," he replied dryly. "I'd walk out of here with kittens and flowers all over me if you thought you could get away with it."

"No, I'm serious," the mage protested, which Kurogane muttered his disbelief at in an under-voice while Fai continued to plead his case. "I know I can do a better job, and Kuro-sama deserves the best, doesn't he? Plus it would be fun."

This last was merely casually tacked on, but it caught at the ninja's attention and made him ponder his companion for a moment. Blond eyebrows quirked up at the sudden silent examination.

"I've never seen you use your magic for anything but dire need," the ninja finally commented, after a quick review of his memories. With the other man's oft-times lamentable sense of mischief, he might have expected to have been the victim of a magical prank long ago. Fai's curious expression turned into one of quick surprise, and then he shrugged and gave a little grin.

"Waste not, want not," Fai tossed off casually, and looked as if he was casting about for another topic to turn to, but Kurogane would not let the matter drop so quickly.

"It's not like you're still working with a limited supply of power," he argued. "And you're the one always recommending that we rest and relax when we can."

"And as the head of the household, Father should set a good example and lead the way," Fai countered, trying to turn the conversational table onto him. Kurogane smacked it right back without a pause.

"Drop that joke already," he said first out of sheer habit. "I already do; the kid and I spar. Training's useful but it's also relaxing and feels good. Your magic's the same; a weapon but also something you can use for something as simple as chasing a bit of fun."

"Careful Kuro-sama," came the teasing comment, backed by a ever so faintly uneasy-sounding laugh. "I might think you were concerned about my happiness."

The ninja scowled at this effort to embarrass him, now that the attempt to shift the focus had failed. Fai seemed startled or at least uncomfortable with the idea of using his power when there was no real need to. It was understandable, Kurogane supposed, knowing what he did of the mage's history. Their great power was one of the reasons the twins had been so cruelly used, and Fai had trained in his magic knowing that someday he might have to use it to murder. He'd found himself unable to learn anything but offensive spells, feared his magical power as the reason he might someday betray and slaughter the king to whom he owed such a deep debt of gratitude to, and perhaps even saw it as the foundation for all the curses both real and imagined that he'd suffered under.

"I didn't turn you just so you could continue to exist," the ninja stated bluntly, giving the other man the conversational equivalent of a sharp smack. "I did it so you could _live_ , health and happiness included."

This put an abrupt end to the verbal squirmings and the conversation ceased for a few minutes as well. They just looked at one another for a while, and then the blond head nodded slowly.

"Yes, I know," Fai said quietly, and that seemed to be that. Kurogane let the matter rest for now, and picked up the threads of the conversation again, only to follow it back to the thing he'd been thinking of when he first entered the room.

"Speaking of which...you're thirsty."

Fai looked up at him, then smiled and nodded as if he'd merely commented that the weather was nice, or that dinner had been good.

"I know," the blond said simply. "Not yet, though."

The simple admission and continued delay surprised Kurogane. Not that he'd been expecting a laugh and a lie or a bitter argument, of course. But just as before, when he'd known Fai was lying without realizing what the lies were hiding, now he knew that the mage was being honest and yet he still did not understand Fai's thoughts.

"Why?" he asked, frowning a bit.

"Why not?" Fai returned with a quirk of pale eyebrows, and then laughed apologetically at the glare this non-answer provoked. "I'm not being difficult. I just want to...test my boundaries. To see how long I can go without, and whether the thirst will get any worse than it is now or whether it's already plateaued."

Kurogane wanted to ask why, but immediately saw some logic behind the idea and kept silent. Knowing one's limits, both weaknesses and strengths, was crucial for a warrior after all. As if misinterpreting the ninja's silence as disapproval, Fai soon expanded on the explanation on his own anyway, giving the taller man the clarity he'd been about to ask for.

"Regaining my magical powers didn't cure me of the vampirism, but it is repressing it somewhat," Fai said softly, looking down and pressing one hand to his chest as if physically trying to gauge or hold back the hunger for his companion's blood. "Part of seeing how hungry I get is simple curiosity, but I think it would be useful to know whether I can go completely without. If we get separated again like we did in Yama, but this time you from I, won't you feel better for knowing I'm not starving to death? And you don't actually want me to pine away and die when you're gone, do you?"

Kurogane chose not to reply to the questions they both knew the answers to, ignoring the short, lilting laugh at the end and instead watching the wistfulness that washed over that expressive face. Fai would miss him when he was dead, and terribly. But until that day, whenever it should come, they had each other yet.

"Fine," Kurogane said, agreeing with the experiment. As if hoping to avoid further surprise attacks from the ninja, Fai drifted away from him to look out the window on the opposite wall soon after. As far as tactical retreats went, it was a poor effort; Kurogane pushed away from the wall and slowly closed the distance between them. There were many things between them that he felt needed no words, but some things, he supposed, were best clarified. As he reached the other side of the room, he looked out the window at the endlessly dark sky instead of meeting the blue eyes that were now turned up toward him once again.

"But if you find that you can go without...don't," he said quietly. World to world, cultures and climates and currency had changed, but the night sky had always been the same; vast and dark and thick with sparkling stars. Someday he wanted to stand under well-known constellations again and teach the mage how to pick out the Archer, Dragon and Great River. He wanted to continue the unlikely friendship that had grown up between them, and wanted also to be more than friends if Fai would allow it. "Blood's the price I paid to keep you with me. I'm willing to keep paying it."

He'd never said it so simply and clearly; his stated reasons had always been to keep Fai alive, to make him face up to his current realities and impending future like a man ought to. He'd never confessed that he'd simply been unable to let the wizard go. Red eyes dropped from unfamiliar stars to gaze at a beloved face, but he was a split second too late; Fai looked down just as Kurogane turned his head to look at him, and the ninja missed the other's reaction - if there had been any - to his words.

"I know," the mage murmured after a short silence, voice low as he repeated his earlier words. "Not yet, though."

Hearing any less keen than Kurogane's would have missed the near-whispers, and though his hand rose unbidden toward that downturned face at the husky tone that had roughened the last few words, it fell back to his side when the wizard suddenly turned and stepped away. If the blond had immediately fled the room he would have given chase, but Fai only stepped over to the packs he'd brought up earlier, picking up one of them and then turning to throw him a strange little smile.

"I'm going to get ready for bed," Fai announced. "You should too; there are still a couple more days of baking and building before we get to enjoy the festival."

He nodded and then frowned slightly as he watched the blond slip out of the room. Kurogane's assumptions had so far been that it was only newness and nerves making the other man so skittish in these moments they had together. What he'd seen in those blue eyes the night before had put a new thought in his head, and Kurogane now wondered if it truly was fear causing all these sudden breaks away. He felt certain that this fear was not fear of him specifically - the gods only knew he'd hurt the man and often, but it had never been out of sheer sadistic pleasure in inflicting pain - and wondered what fragments of Fai's past there might be that reflected the reason for this timidity of manner.

There might had been pivotal scenes that Ashura of Celes had suppressed when exposing his prodigy's past to the man's companions. A heart so riddled with self-loathing would have hardly been proof against manipulation, coercion, or even the temptation of a meaningless, cheap affair even more damaging than an utter lack of any sort of intimacy. Fai had also not always been a powerful wizard and able warrior; he'd been young and weak once...easy prey.

Whether it was nervousness or fear motivating Fai's behavior, however, it did not change Kurogane's.

The mage returned to their room and the ninja took his turn having a quick washing-up and changing into the simpler clothing they used for sleeping when they had the luxuries of four walls and a roof, clean floors and bedding. The taller stepped back into the bedroom to find it quiet and still, the mage hardly more than an extra lumpy section of bedding capped with a mop of fair hair. The room was much dimmer now as well, the globes of light under cloth coverings sewn into snugly fitting shapes, which he was grateful for. It was disconcerting enough to have his own arms glittering at him. He might have had trouble sleeping with the unnatural distraction of a well-lit room.

After a last glance out the window and around the room out of habit, Kurogane settled himself into the space Fai had left for him in the wide bed. He lay facing outward, also out of habit; unable even in the most peaceful-seeming worlds to be comfortable in leaving his back facing the most unguarded direction. He almost always faced the door, and generally moved the bed if it were smack up against a wall or too near a window. He slept best with some space - or Fai - at his back.

The bed was large enough that even with his stature there was a fair bit of space between them, and true to his latest habit, he waited for it to disappear. Some time passed during which both men were silent save for even breaths, and then the blond began to shift. A restless shrug, a little wriggle, an adjustment to long legs...soon enough there were strands of long hair tickling at the ninja's neck and warmth seeping through his thin shirt from a forehead resting lightly between his shoulders and hands curled into the loose material lower down his back.

Plausible deniability was an interesting thing. He knew the mage was awake and was sure that Fai knew he was too light a sleeper to let all this movement and proximity go unnoticed even from a trusted friend, and yet the mage never snuggled up without waiting a while first and Kurogane never did more than simply allow it. He never turned around and drew the other closer, never reached back to draw a pale hand over his side, never spoke. At first he'd thought Fai nervous and had decided to let the other set the pace. Now he thought Fai might be fearful and continued to refrain from reaching for more.

He _wanted_ more, but wouldn't scorn what he had already out of greed or selfishness. Fai's tendency in the past had been to flee; he didn't want to make the mage backslide. Time would let Fai get used to this - to them, to him - and settle his nerves, and time would also help proof outweigh the past and settle Fai's fears. Whichever it was, or even if it was both, if time was all that the mage needed, Kurogane was willing to give it.

So it was, and so it continued that these nights in which they roomed together passed without comment, and it wasn't until the early morning when Kurogane woke and knew that his bedmate was unconscious that he indulged in a caress of his own; a soft brush of the backs of his fingers against a sleep-flushed cheek, idly rearranging some of that unruly golden hair, and once in a while, a kiss stolen more carefully than any coin ever lifted from a dragon's hoard.


	4. Chapter 4

The remainder of the construction in preparation for the festival took up another day, and then Kurogane spent the entirety of the next day helping to hang what seemed like kilometers of sparkling ribbon and garland. The others - at least, the other males of his little group - were equally busy in decorating and organizing and cleaning. Mokona needed to remain hidden in their temporary home, but kept herself entertained in looking out the window at all the bustle and occasionally sneaking downstairs to steal tidbits from Fai, who spent almost all his time in the kitchen putting his culinary talents to good use under their hostess's direction.

On the morning of the first day of the week-long celebration, the travelers were presented with new outfits to wear to the festival by townspeople grateful for the additional help, and then the entire town seemed to explode into cheerful chaos. Whether tending attractions or selling wares or merely wandering about, everyone seemed to enjoy the festivities equally and even Kurogane found himself surveying the scenes with satisfaction, though noisy entertainments such as these were not to his general liking.

There were two main streets to Idia laid out like an "x", neatly dividing the place into quadrants. The Festival of Light could have been aptly renamed "The Festival of Life" or "Festival of Four" as it celebrated the four seasons, four elements, and four stages of life recognized here; the spring of infancy represented by fire, summer of youth represented by water, autumn of adulthood represented by earth, and winter of age represented by air. Each quadrant of the town was assigned a season, stage and element to represent and the crowd flowed smoothly through them in a great circle, further representing the cycle of years and generations.

The celebration of life and nature appealed to Kurogane, whose home country venerated these things as well. There'd also been a broad hint from the mage that there were some bottles of alcohol to be had by anyone who might want to celebrate the last few hours of the first day away from the crush and crowd, so all in all, the ninja was rather optimistic about spending a rather pleasant day out and joined the throng much more complacently than his companions might have rightly expected. The three men - with Mokona smuggled out of the house in Syaoran's knapsack - set out together but soon split off into two pairs as the youngest lingered at almost every stall and exhibit to examine knick-knacks and ask multitudinous questions about their origin and meaning and the etymology of their names.

"What a bad father, letting your only son wander off like that!" Fai teased, smiling fondly back at the earnest young archaeologist. The mage blended in with the locals almost perfectly now that he was garbed in new clothing that sparkled with almost as many patterns as his skin and had even decorated his hair with a wreath of pale gold branches thick with shimmering blue berries. It set off his hair and eyes wonderfully well and seemed almost natural there, ringing his head like a crown. Kurogane was also dressed in local costume but had flatly refused to put on any accessories. It was distracting enough to catch sight of the glowing marks snaking across his skin and decorating the edges of the short-sleeved tunic he'd been given; he didn't want to be lit up from top to bottom like one of Piffle's advertising banners. What was suitable on Fai's elegant form would have been ridiculous on the warrior.

"He's an adult and I'm not his father," he retorted with a roll of his eyes, thanking the gods for the small favor of the mage not declaring himself the mother of said "son" in the middle of the crowd. It was difficult enough to make his way through the crush of animated attendees without suddenly becoming a focal point for curious questions.

"Sixteen is still a little bit away from adulthood, Kuro-sama," Fai chided.

"He's actually in his twenties if you think about it," Kurogane mentioned. "And it's not like he's never been on his own, and in more dangerous situations."

"True," Fai agreed, nodding thoughtfully before heaving a dramatic sigh. "Ah, our boy's all grown up and getting ready to head off on his own. Won't you be sad to see our little puppy leave the nest?"

"You're mixing his species and your metaphors so much you're going to give me a headache," Kurogane groused. "And no, I won't be sad. The reason we're _on_ this journey is to find a way for him to be able to leave us and go back to his life. That's life anyway; meetings and partings. There's nothing to mourn about it." There was a brief silence as they continued to move along with the flow of the crowd, casting glances this way and that but neither of them so interested in any of the entertainments that they wanted to fight their way over to a particular booth or stall.

"How long do you think we'll be traveling like this?" Fai suddenly asked. Considering their quest and the fact that none of them were dreamseers, it was impossible to answer with any sort of accuracy and Kurogane shrugged.

"Hell if I know. Could be one more day, could be another ten years or even longer."

"Longer?" This seemed to give Fai pause, and he slowed their already leisurely pace to peer up into the ninja's face. Kurogane thought he could see concern most of all, even as a teasing tone crept into the wizard's voice. "Won't you need to get back to Tomoyo-chan sooner rather than later? You don't want to be sent away again as punishment for dereliction of duty the moment you get home."

"I keep all my commitments, not just the one I made to her," the ninja replied, snorting at the idea of Tomoyo-hime magicking him away again in a pique because she felt neglected. She was the one who'd sent him away in the first place and could very well deal with the consequences. Besides, the princess had a keen sense of the appropriate; sending him off again to continue journeying with the mage hardly qualified as grueling torture. If she really wanted to punish him she'd think of something much more perverse.

"I'm going to see this through to the end," he said decisively. "Home can wait."

"This from the man who berated _me_ for being too self-sacrificial," Fai murmured, but it was so under-voiced that Kurogane wasn't certain the comment had actually been meant for his ears. He said nothing and when the mage spoke next, it was merely to give a light-hearted comment on a particularly brilliant and colorful display of scarves.

The first quadrant that they moved through was dedicated to honoring spring and new life, and was the most brilliantly lit part of town since its assigned element was fire. In addition to innumerable peach and green lights strung between poles, draped across booths and decorating the vendors' bodies, there were lanterns and candles everywhere, brightening this small section of the eternally twilight world to what Kurogane would have deemed full daylight.

The underlying theme seemed to be that of fleeting beauty and cherishing it while it lasted, as well as a more pragmatic theme of burning fields in order to prepare them for spring plantings. Flowers both real and artificial bloomed everywhere, including on the people milling about. The refreshments being sold - a good many finding their way into the mage's stomach after being batted away by the ninja - were mostly airy cakes shaped like flowers and buds, and the beverages were either pink or green and decorated with blossoms. It would have been too cloying and sweet for the red-eyed warrior save that it reminded him of the princess he'd grown to respect and care for as they'd traveled together. Though she came from a desert kingdom, her name reminded him of delicate pink flowers and her eyes had been a bright green reminiscent of new leaves.

Before Fai could sicken himself on sugary treats, they crossed over into the summer quadrant, and the change was as abrupt as if they'd actually jumped forward in time to another season. The colors here were vibrant blues and yellows as if to mimic a blazing sun and shimmering ocean that didn't even exist on this world, and instead of a profusion of refreshments and baubles, here most of the booths offered games to test one's strength. Water and farming seemed to be the theme of many of the games, and at Fai's eager insistence Kurogane eventually took part in races to haul heavy buckets of water across a mock field and strength trials involving moving increasingly heavy stones from one place to another. He won every game he played and made Fai carry the prizes, which were mostly small bags of grain or cured meats wrapped in rough cloth and dangling in a knotted rope bag. There was a prize of four bottles of alcohol as well, but Kurogane carried that himself, not quite trusting the mage to refrain from polishing off the winnings behind his back under the specious pretense of lightening his load.

They passed from the vigor of summer to the richness of autumn eventually, now carrying their burdens equally and passing a bottle back and forth. This third section of town was decorated in red and orange with most of the decorations made of or mimicking berries and leaves, and the theme was earth's bountiful harvests and the taking of one's ease. The food and drink vendors made a reappearance here and Kurogane indulged himself in some of the rich meats and fragrant river fishes that made his drink seem all the more refreshing.

After taking this leisurely walk among a crowd boisterous with food and drink, past stalls crowded with colorful trinkets and baubles the use of which he could hardly imagine, Kurogane almost expected the last quadrant to be just as cheerfully noisy and dedicated to celebrating life's goodness. When they crossed the street into winter, however, the two men both paused to look about them in appreciation and no little wonder. This section of Idia was just as thickly decorated and well attended as the preceding three, but the atmosphere was completely different.

All of the booths and stalls and displays were formed of wood naturally pale or whitewashed to a creamy hue, and instead of bright colors and lights competing for attention, everything was draped in great lengths of dark blue cloth. The only lights were such a pale gold as to be almost white, and were strung along and scattered across the blue fabric as if to mimic falling snow or the starry sky. The impression of winter's hush was no less due to the people moving through this quarter than to the quiet elegance of the decorations. The vendors here were only nodding and smiling at those who passed, or speaking in low voices instead of hawking their wares at the tops of their lungs. Those walking through and attending the festival were equally subdued, and Kurogane noticed that everyone - men, women and children - were wearing or putting on gauzy white shawls over their heads and torsos to cover up their gaudy garb and shining skin. He glanced over to Fai, wondering if they were about to commit some sort of social blunder by walking in bare-headed, and then saw a man approaching them with smiles and an armful of white cloth.

"Your mantles, neighbors," the stranger said, proffering a large rectangle of fabric to each of them in turn. "I hope you're enjoying the festival."

"We are indeed," Fai said, unfurling the sheer material with a flick of his wrists and letting it settle over his head and shoulders after a quick glance around to see how others were wearing it. Kurogane followed suit, letting the extra material drape over his bare arms and flow over his clothing, effectively dimming him as if he were one of the spherical lamps that were covered at night. Red eyes glanced up to find Fai adjusting the material over his head to cover his crown of shimmering blue and gold while speaking again to the attendant.

"I'm new to some of the traditions, though. Would you mind explaining the significance of the mantles to me?"

"Well and sure," the man replied easily, though with a blink of surprise at their ignorance. "Winter's the long sleep and little death that helps us remember to cherish all the waking moments that make up life. Covering ourselves up's a way of facing the fact that the cycle never stops; we all lose everything eventually...even our own light. Accepting it helps us make the most of what we're given."

Fai nodded in comprehension and expressed gratitude for the explanation, and Kurogane also gave the man a brief nod of thanks. He found himself a bit surprised to find such a somber, thoughtful ceremony as part of this festival. His impressions of the people here had so far been good, but the ninja thought of them as a bit...simple, perhaps. Not stupid or shallow in any mean sense, but rather innocent in an almost childish way. The first three sections of the festival that they'd passed through had bolstered his idea that the people of Idia were very much dedicated to all the pleasures that life offered. They worked hard, but their highest aims had seemed to be somewhat hedonistic rather than focused on the spiritual or ideal. Now, however, the ninja found that there was depth and meaning even to the simple act of enjoying life to the utmost, and he nodded thoughtfully in approval.

"You're almost smiling," came the comment from about his left shoulder, followed by a gentle demonstration of the expression mentioned. "Does this part of the festival remind you of Nihon?" Fai peered up at him from behind a curtain-edge of pale gold hair and gauzy white fabric, and the glowing wreath hidden underneath the mantle chased away the shadows, ringing the mage's face with a sort of halo instead.

"Not particularly," Kurogane replied offhandedly. "Just thought the sentiment had merit." He almost expected some teasing from his companion, perhaps about his talent for understatement or aversion to anything approaching effusion. Fai only murmured agreement, however, before falling into a prolonged silence. It lasted their entire tour of the last quarter, and as they approached one of the main streets separating each section again and saw the spring festivities across the way, Kurogane gave the mage a slight nudge.

Fai looked up immediately, and the ninja was surprised at the traces of upset he saw being shouldered aside by a hasty smile. He'd thought they'd just been walking comfortably along and enjoying the festival in silence, but somewhere along the way Fai seemed to have fallen into one of his dimmer moods again. Thinking now to get the man away from the crowd for some conversation instead, Kurogane reminded him that there were bottles keeping cool in a shimmering stream in the woods nearby.

"I know," Fai murmured, smile tightening a bit at the corners. "Not yet, though."

It was exactly what he'd said a few nights ago when Kurogane had lightly pressed at the issue of his continued refusal to feed, and the ninja now frowned, uneasy without quite knowing why. He slowed his steps but before he could speak, Fai nodded off to the side a bit, drawing his attention.

"It looks like there's one last part to the festival."

Kurogane followed his gaze along the main street to the crossroads, where a large courtyard of hard-packed dirt covered over with fine golden sand marked the center of Idia. A great tree grew in the very center, in shape very much like an oak and towering high above every building in the town, giving shade to almost the entire courtyard. Before, when Kurogane had passed under it as he went to and fro, it just had been a tree and nothing more, lighting its own shade with a buttery light from its luminescent bark. Now, he could barely see the other side of the courtyard as discarded mantles hung thick from the lower branches of the tree, waving slowly in the breeze and from the movement of the people still milling about within the courtyard. A few glowbugs drifted aimlessly around between the gauzy scarves, and it almost looked like a weird underwater scene of glimmering fish and pale mer-people playing among thick white seagrass growing top-down toward the ocean floor.

Fai stepped forward to a set of daintily carved, low wooden fences that had been set into the ground to form a little corridor that led people from the winter quadrant into the courtyard and then paused, leaning over to examine a sign that was thick with small, spidery writing. Just as Kurogane had been able to understand the language in Yama, Idia's language had proven to be similar enough to Celesian that Fai had been able to read the signs and books of this place.

Knowing that he himself would be unable to make anything of the script, Kurogane lingered behind a bit, watching the townspeople instead. While some few were merely using the tree as a sort of coat rack and then scattering back into whatever season they chose, the greater part of the festival attendees were pairing off or forming small groups and having quiet conversations before shedding their mantles. It didn't seem to just be a widespread desire for small talk; while voices remained subdued out of respect for the others nearby, it was apparent that some of the discussions being had were quite intense. Kurogane could see shock and frowns and tears on faces between the fluttering white lengths of cloth, though there were also smiles and embraces.

The Festival of Light was closing a bit more strangely than he'd anticipated.

"Kuro-sama, come on." Red eyes fell from the scene to look at Fai, who was still smiling that tight, tense smile that stirred up unease in the ninja. He recognized it, understood it, and had no idea what was causing it. He could hardly imagine that the festivities or this peaceful world as a whole that should be causing the mage to feel pressured and trapped, but the only other variable was himself, and Kurogane couldn't recall saying anything to have upset the man. 

"This isn't just the place to leave our mantles," the mage was saying, and the dark-haired man shook off his unproductive thoughts for the moment to listen with greater attention.

"Every town is built around a tree that they call the Tree of Life. Just as every day ends with taking off your clothes and the dust of the day, every winter ends with cleaning out the debris of the last year, and every life ends with purifying fire, they close each festival with something they call the unburdening. During the festival, anything you say under the tree has to be accepted and respected, and everything is considered resolved or forgiven or whatever it should be once you hang up your mantle and leave. Both the confessor and the confessed-to are supposed to leave it all under the tree."

"...so you can drag me in there, call me some dumb new nickname, and once you leave the courtyard I can't deck you for it."

Fai gave him a chiding look and nearly laughed, eyebrows twisted up and mouth quirking into a smile that was a little more rueful, and a little more real.

"What am I going to do with you?" the blond asked, his tone clearly expressing the fact that he knew Kurogane knew better. "It's supposed to be a cleansing, healing sort of process to get you ready to face the new year feeling new and refreshed yourself, instead of dragging old hurts and bitterness forward. The pleasures of the old year are over; so should the pains be, so that you can appreciate the blessings of the new year without tainting them with regrets for the old."

"Yeah, I get it," Kurogane said, and almost raised his hand to remove his mantle so that he could toss it up into the branches and be done with it. While he didn't express everything that was in his heart and mind, he never shirked saying what he felt _needed_ to be said and wasn't the type to let petty things fester either. All their great disagreements were long over and done with; he had no need to unburden himself.

But Fai, apparently, did.

"Come stand under the tree with me," the blond said, and though he met Kurogane's gaze unflinchingly and spoke his request without any trembling of voice or form, still the ninja could see that unhappy tension undissipated - mounting, even - and something like fear lingering in the back of those blue eyes. Kurogane thought of what might be upsetting Fai again, and thought that perhaps it was just Fai himself. The ninja knew there were still things unsaid between them despite their closeness, and wondered if one of these secrets was beginning to weigh upon the other. There were no more curses and no more bloodstained mysteries, but innocent secrets could eat away at a person too. Fai wanted to tell him something, and if the telling would ease the mage, perhaps even shed light onto the timidity that marked his intimacies, Kurogane was willing to listen.

He glanced over to the courtyard, quiet but crowded, and then looked back to his companion.

"We can just leave and have our talk in private," he suggested in a low voice. "You know I won't respect this whole 'leave it behind' thing if I don't end up agreeing with it." Whatever the blond wanted to confess, let it be confessed. But if Kurogane felt the need to bring it up again and talk it out some more, he would, and Idia's traditions be damned.

"...what _am_ I going to do with you?" Fai repeated, seeming to find a bit of humor in the contrariness of his companion. "Yes, Kuro-tan, I know. And _you_ should know by now that sometimes I need...a push. A little false courage, perhaps. Stand under the tree with me."

He'd tried to be the one to give those pushes and provide that false courage in the past. There was nothing further he could argue on the side of more privacy or anything else, so he simply nodded and strode forward between the fences, leaving Fai to follow along as he scouted out a less crowded bit of sand and scarves. He ended up standing near the very center of the courtyard, with the massive trunk of the Tree of Life and a thick cluster of hanging mantles giving them the illusion of being alone. The white fabric reflected the tree's light like clouds bright with moonlight, and the serenity combined with his anticipation and Fai's subdued mood to invest the moment with a touch of ceremony even for him.

He waited expectantly as Fai drew near and dropped his parcels onto the sand just as Kurogane had, watching that slightly bowed head under its covering of gauzy fabric and wondering what still lay between them that could put that faint tremble into the pale hands folded over the mage's stomach.

"I have a few things I want to tell you, and I'd like to just say them all at once and be done with it. If you interrupt with a question or a punch," Fai said, lifting his face up to give Kurogane a little smile with this quip on the ninja's oft-times violent impulse control issues, "I might get all muddled up, so just listen, all right? I don't...I don't really need you to respond. When I take off my mantle, I'll be done, and then we can go fishing in the stream for those bottles."

Kurogane had the feeling that this conversation wasn't going to end quite so simply, but he was impatient to hear whatever it was that Fai was so nervous about telling him, and nodded agreement. He'd often accused the wizard of tending too much to flee and evade and delay the inevitable, but it had been long since he'd thought of the man as cowardly in any way. And once Fai came to grips with what had to be done, he wasted no further time in second-guessing himself but got to it. The discrepancy between the ninja's quickness in settling on a course of action and the sometimes too-introspective mage's caution had made Kurogane cruel in the past. He'd tried to bully the other into thinking and doing and acting as he thought he ought to when Fai hadn't actually been indecisive or too timid at all. The princeling's more fragile, wounded heart had simply needed more time to come to terms with such harsh choices as had been set before him, and Kurogane hadn't been able to see it for all the hardness of his own heart at the time.

It seemed that Fai had been struggling with yet another difficult decision, but this time Kurogane had been able to give him the time and space he'd needed to grapple with it at his own pace, and was now rewarded with a voluntary confession. Having decided to speak, Fai wasted no more time in fearful hesitation even though his nerves were apparent in the slight unsteadiness of his voice and the shallowness of his breaths.

"I know you're kind," Fai began, and it was good that he'd extracted a promise of silence from the ninja because Kurogane's impulse was to growl a denial and possibly kick off a pointless argument on the matter. "And I know this because you've been kind enough to put up with me taking advantage of your kindness."

A dark eyebrow twitched up. He'd promised to be silent but he couldn't help but express the fact that he was starting to think that this was going to be a conversation he'd want to punch Fai for later. The thought grew stronger with Fai's next sentence and the careful choice of words, but by then those blue eyes had faltered and fallen to somewhere around the ninja's collarbones, and the deepening frown on the taller's face went unnoticed.

"I know that you know how I feel...and I know you care for me. This isn't about that. Like this festival and Idia's beliefs encourage, I want to appreciate life and all its blessings to the fullest. I don't want to taint it with regrets or guilt or any of that. Even if I can't have everything I want, still I've been given more than I'd ever dreamed I'd have, and I want to be content with it instead of poisoning even that with wishing for more."

The words seemed to be costing Fai more and more effort as they fell, tugging Kurogane's eyebrows down further with them, and then the ninja's jaw almost dropped as the confession began in earnest.

"I know you'll let me make a new home for myself in Nihon; you've said as much many times before and besides that I know you honor the commitments you make no matter the consequences. I wanted to let you know that so far as I can tell, you paid off your price to keep me alive when I got my magic back. I'm still a vampire, but...that's my own fault. Yuuko-san said that regaining my eye and power would undo the deal but I think it depended on me. On my wishes. I could have cured myself but I didn't have that desire within me anymore, so the vampirism survived. I couldn't make myself want to be cured. I didn't want to break that tie between us. I still can't, in fact, but it's loose enough that you can free yourself, at least. My thirst seems to plateau before it becomes any real inconvenience, so you don't have to feed me to keep me alive anymore. I wanted to apologize for all the blood you didn't actually need to lose, and for my selfishness."

Kurogane's hand itched to smack that bowed head, but it remained cowled under the white mantle, signaling that the confession was not yet over.

"You warned me that vampires were loathsome monsters even in Nihon, and I want you to know that I appreciate what you've endured in being my prey and what you were prepared to endure in continuing to fulfill your obligations in having saved my life and needing to sustain it. I hope that will make it easier for you to bring me with you when you go home...because I still want to live in Nihon if you'll let me," Fai then said, then paused to swallow and take a deep breath as if to settle himself. It ratcheted the tension in Kurogane's shoulders up another notch, as it seemed to indicate that an even more miserable misunderstanding was about to be revealed. His instincts did not prove him wrong.

"I know the vampirism wasn't the only problem in my living in Nihon; maybe it was even the least of the problems. I can't do anything about my looks but you don't have to feed me anymore and..." Fai gritted his teeth before doggedly going on and Kurogane had a moment in which to think, _oh gods, **what**?_.

"...I'll give you up. I know Nihon's just as intolerant of...of men like me, with my preferences...as Celes and Valeria. I picked that up from our conversations too, and again, I appreciate the warning and...all the times you've accepted...allowed me..."

Kurogane picked his jaw back up and took a breath to cut this insanity off - where and when had Fai gotten _that_ idea?! - but he didn't even manage to get one syllable out before Fai anticipated his interruption and looked up at him, shaking his head. Even more than the gesture, that choked, painful, _dying_ look in the mage's eyes stopped Kurogane cold.

"I'm almost done," Fai blurted, regaining his voice after faltering over his last thought. "I just want to say one more thing and then...and then we can be done with all this. I know I shouldn't have let it get this far but I couldn't help myself. I took advantage of the fact that you held yourself responsible for my being alive at all. At first I actually thought...I'd hoped...but then I realized you felt obligated to let me find happiness where I could, not just keep myself alive..."

The mage was as restless now as he'd formerly been still, eyes falling away again and looking everywhere but at Kurogane, hands clenching over and over into the fabric of his mantle, almost squirming like a man desperately trying to free himself from the bonds that were torturing him. And then fresh pain shivered over his face and Fai clenched shut his eyes. It was like looking at a man plunging a dagger into his own heart just to escape further torture and Kurogane grabbed the blond by the upper arm unthinkingly, as if to keep him from falling or fleeing.

"You kissed me back, you held me when I came to you, you gave me everything I demanded of you but you never pursued me on your own," Fai gasped, and there was no accusation in those blue eyes; only an indescribable _hurt_. "I couldn't stop myself even after I realized...but I'm done. I'm done taking things from you. I avoided getting close to anyone for too long but I do know that this isn't how people love; by _taking_. And I do love you...I love you."

The words stunned Kurogane, who came from a land where even happily married couples might go their entire lives without ever speaking the phrase. Even his parents, who had been the most besotted and mutually beloved couple he'd ever yet laid his eyes on, had expressed their adoration for one another in much more subtle phrases. His grip upon Fai loosened and the blond collapsed into him, burying his face into the ninja's chest as if the confession had caused him too much agony to stand without support. A muscular arm wrapped immediately about a slender waist to hold the mage up, and Fai's next words were muffled in the folds of the mantle that he was clinging to.

"I want you to enjoy my presence, not endure it," Fai said, his voice suddenly calm but also nearly dead, devoid of all the overwrought feeling that had made it so vibrant and piercing a moment before. It was as if he'd killed hope at the same time as he'd confessed having dared to dream. "Tell me you understand, and that you forgive me...tell me you'll still take me home even though you're under no obligations to me. I won't take blood or anything else from you anymore. I'll content myself with being your friend, but...if you can, kiss me just once. I know it's--"

Whether Fai was going to say "distasteful" or "disgusting" or "not your thing", Kurogane didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear another word, shouldn't have kept his promise to keep silent, and definitely shouldn't have let things _get this far_ as Fai had said, though in a wildly different way. He let go of the mage's waist and brought his hand up, ripping the other man's mantle away in one violent jerk and sending the golden wreath skidding away across the sand. Fai startled and snapped his head up, wide-eyed and with his mouth fallen open in surprise, and Kurogane very nearly grabbed him by the hair and crushed their mouths together.

But one last kiss was what Fai had asked for to seal the deal that would set Kurogane free of his affections, and the ninja wanted no more misunderstandings. He did grab a fistful of that pale honey-gold hair now disheveled by his impatience but he only drew their faces close in order to growl, not devour. Not yet.

"You keep saying you know this and you know that but you've got all except for one thing wrong," the ninja snarled, hurt more than angry, and that for the other man's sake, not his own. "Yes, you are coming to Nihon with me. No, it is not because I need to feed you or have to make up for not letting you die. You are coming to Nihon with me because I want you to and that is the _only_ reason. Got it? All of those subtle warnings you thought I was giving you? I was just talking. If I feel you need to be warned about something _I will warn you_ , not dance around the subject. Mage, royal, vampire, whatever; it doesn't matter. You're _you_ and that's why I want you with me."

Blue eyes were wide and while the wizard seemed to comprehend the words being spoken, nothing was sinking in quite yet; it was all still shock and stunned silence. Kurogane gave him no time to recover before throwing another misunderstanding-shattering bomb.

"And this is not in fact any of your business, but the Divine Empress of my country takes Souma to bed every chance she gets." He paused to let names and faces - and genders - fall into place in the mage's head, and only continued when he saw the telltale signs of revelation in the face lifted up to his.

"No one is going to throw rocks or spit at me for bringing you home or taking you into my bed. Both of which I intend on doing, just to be clear. Gender doesn't matter. Even if it _did_ matter it wouldn't matter; I am not letting anyone take you away from me and that includes _you_." He took a breath to calm himself a bit, loosening his fingers so that he was cradling Fai's head instead of grabbing it as if to shake some sense into it. The intent was not actually to berate the mage for his mistakes, but Kurogane's manner had never exactly been of the soft touch variety.

"Don't say that you'll give me up," he said, voice still a low growl but less angry now, with affection and hunger softening the edges, and he knew that Fai heard the difference because of the shiver that ran through the frame still standing so near him and the answering spark in the mage's eyes. "I won't let you. If you want something, fight for it. Or at least ask. I never approached you first because you were so damn skittish. I thought if I pushed you into my bed I'd end up pushing you away, so I figured it was better to just wait and let you get comfortable with it all. I didn't think I was being treated like some guilty pleasure."

A faint smile touched the edges of Fai's mouth at this last grumble but soon faded. Though the mage was calmer now within the circle of his arm, he wasn't relaxed and Kurogane could still see anxiety in that drawn face and anxious eyes illuminated by the tree's soft light. He waited a moment, tensing his forearm a bit behind Fai's shoulders to coax the mage closer while slowly moving his thumb across Fai's scalp in a little caress. He wished suddenly that he still had his other arm, for the sake of a complete embrace and being able to run another hand along the other's back.

"You..." Fai began, and then stalled. There seemed to be too many things he wanted to say or ask for him to choose one thought easily, and finally he simply said, "You never said anything."

"Didn't think I needed to," Kurogane replied. It was still his general philosophy, but admittedly the application of it hadn't worked out as well as it ought to have.

"How am I supposed to know otherwise?" came the protest, valid in its own way but still making the ninja argue.

" _Ask_ ," he said insistently, repeating a suggestion of earlier. It was half an answer, half a command.

"...do you regret any of it?" Fai questioned, unclenching one of his hands from Kurogane's mantle and sliding his fingers up the ninja's chest toward his left shoulder. "Tokyo, Celes...Clow and all the worlds after that?"

"No," Kurogane answered firmly. He did regret many things; not getting to the basement of the Tokyo Tower more quickly, not confronting the princess and mage about their secrets in Infinity, and many other little what-ifs besides. But it was not in his nature to nurture self-recrimination and constantly second-guess his actions; what was, was, and he looked forward instead of back. Besides, these were not the regrets Fai was asking about now.

"You don't find anything about me distasteful? The fact that I'm so obviously foreign...the blood-drinking...my desire for you?"

"No," Kurogane repeated, and was rather proud of himself for refraining from tacking on a disparaging remark on the other man's intelligence. Fai _was_ foreign, and what was more, had grown up - developed, twisted, and suffered - under such circumstances that Kurogane had no right to chide him for jumping to conclusions so far off the mark or for having a mindset that differed so widely from his own. The Celesian might as well chide Kurogane for having red eyes and a hot temper.

"You want me to go home with you, when this is all over...out of nothing more than that you don't want us to separate?"

"Yes."

"...you want me?"

"Yes."

He waited for the one question that should have settled it all, that Fai was obviously working his way up to and not quite able to voice yet. It was perhaps unfair of him to make the mage ask it. Fai had already confessed his feelings but while Kurogane had responded in his own way, verbally he'd only admitted to acceptance and physical desire. It was more than what Fai would have tried to settle for, and less than what he truly wanted.

Kurogane's patience gave out before Fai's courage could build up, and the ninja gave a little exhalation that was partly a laugh and partly a sigh.

"Yes," he repeated, and got a confused quirk of blond eyebrows at this repetition of an answer that they both knew the mage had heard.

"The answer is yes, whenever you get around to asking me," Kurogane clarified, and felt the corners of his mouth twitch up slightly at the sight of the smile that slowly overspread Fai's face. It was slow to appear, hesitant at first but then gained life quickly and soon outshone even the Tree of Life and the little glowbugs that drifted by to see the spectacle. He gazed down complacently for a while and then moved his hand to give the blond's shoulder a quick squeeze before stepping away. He could feel blue eyes fixed on him as he bent to pick up the wreath and mantle he'd so violently torn away and discarded, the question of the kiss Fai had asked for still hanging heavy in the air.

"Go on ahead of me and get those bottles opened up," Kurogane said as he straightened up and deposited the blue and gold wreath back onto the mage's head, speaking normally as if he were just cleaning up after nothing at all. The blond's expression was now clearly puzzled at this anti-climactic denouement but it only made the ninja grin.

"I'll be there soon," he said, and didn't say _I'll find you, I'll chase after you, I'll hunt you down and then I'll kiss you until you forget that you ever doubted your worth in my eyes._ There was a second or two where Fai just looked at him seekingly, but then he seemed to hear it all and left after giving the ninja a quick nod and smile, and scooping up the parcels they'd dropped. After shaking the sand out of the gauzy cloth in his hand with a sharp snap of his wrist and then tossing both their mantles over the nearest branch, Kurogane turned and began pursuing him.

He caught up with him at the edge of the forest, caught him by one wrist, and never let him go.


End file.
